Navigating the intricate landscape of children's emotions is like traversing a vast and varied terrain, with the potential to stumble at any point, and where each child's experience is unique and nuanced. This quick guide will enable you to help children manage their emotions and behaviours.
Emotions, both joyful and challenging, play a pivotal role in shaping a child's worldview and resilience. This is the case for all our children and even more so, for those who haven't had a straightforward life. For children who may have experienced abuse, neglect, loss, grief, or significant stress and changes - the landscape becomes even more complex. In recognising the diverse paths that children tread, the concept of validating them and being sensitive to their emotions emerges as crucial to understand and support them. Being sensitive entails acknowledging and responding to the impact of adverse experiences, noticing differences, and fostering an environment that prioritises sensitivity, understanding, and, above all, psychological safety.
As Christmas approaches, it's crucial to recognise that not every child embraces the festivities with the same sense of expected joy. Here, we'll explore various aspects of supporting children with this, from adjusting expectations to understanding emotional regulation.
The first step is acknowledging the need to adjust our expectations. The idyllic picture of a perfect festive season may not be a reality for every child. Flexibility becomes paramount as we navigate through the season, understanding that some children may find it challenging to engage in traditional festivities and some families may not have the means and resources to live up to current societal expectations.
The festive season can accentuate socioeconomic disparities, leading to feelings of inadequacy for children in poverty. Approaching gift-giving with sensitivity and focusing on meaningful experiences rather than material possessions can help alleviate this pressure. Emphasising the importance of love and connection over material abundance becomes a central theme.
While the desire for a positive Christmas experience is natural, it's vital to understand that developing emotional regulation is a process. Moments of sadness or frustration, tiredness, overwhelm and irritability are normal for children. The focus needs to shift from eliminating negative emotions to creating a safe space for expression and processing. Acknowledging disappointment and sadness as normal emotions is crucial. Creating a supportive environment where children feel heard and understood fosters emotional well-being.
Teaching emotional regulation is fundamental in raising emotionally healthy children. Providing tools and strategies for children to navigate overwhelming emotions, such as simple breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques, contributes to their emotional well-being. Helping children to recognise their emotions and teaching them how to manage and express them appropriately is a life skill that we need to impart on her children.
Children often develop a keen awareness of adult emotions, they can easily pick up on the signals that the adults in their life are feeling overwhelmed, stressed out or angry. Recognising this heightened sensitivity enables adults to model healthy emotional regulation, fostering an environment of understanding.
The festive season, with its crowded gatherings, alcohol, and unexpected visitors, may trigger a heightened stress response in children. Understanding and respecting a child's need for a sense of control and safety during such times can significantly impact their experience. They might need space and quiet time; they might want to be close to their care givers to feel regulated and secure.
Large gatherings and expectations of physical affection from extended family, friends or even strangers can be overwhelming for children. Communicating openly with relatives and friends about respecting a child's boundaries becomes essential. Encouraging alternative ways of expressing love and connection that feel comfortable for the child can help navigate these situations.
Children may feel pressured to conform to societal expectations during the festive season, pretending to enjoy activities or gifts they don't like. Fostering an environment where honesty is valued, and children feel safe expressing their true feelings without judgment is crucial.
Recognising signs of overwhelm in children and offering support accordingly is essential. This might involve providing a quiet retreat during busy gatherings or allowing them to opt-out of certain activities. Empowering children to communicate their needs and preferences contributes to a more calm and enjoyable Christmas experience for every child.
The tradition of Santa Claus, while magical for many, can be unsettling for some children. We spend most of our time warning our children to be careful and teaching them about safety, it is quite counter intuitive for them to be told that there is a bearded old guy coming into the home at night when they are asleep! Being mindful of the potential discomfort this may cause and offering reassurance about the safety of the environment is important.
It can be beneficial for parents and care givers to understand the theory of the emotional cup - it helps us to consider a childs emotional wellbeing and better meet their needs. Imagine their emotions as a cup that can be filled or depleted based on experiences and interactions. Positive experiences and support fill the cup, while negative ones can deplete it. It's a metaphorical way to think about a child's emotional state and the importance of nurturing their emotional needs.
For me the key to a happy, relaxed and enjoyable festive season is recognising and preparing for challenges, reducing demands of both our children and ourselves Where possible and building in time to recuperate, rest and get away from the hustle and bustle. Remembering that children don’t have the same level of capacity to cope with difficult emotions, or calm themselves when under stress, or contain their excitement to a socially acceptable level and they will inevitably need our help and support to do so.