I Feel So Stuck – How and Why Trauma Might Be Holding You Back
- Fortitude Psychological Therapy
- 20 hours ago
- 3 min read
Do You Feel Stuck?
When people say they feel stuck, it’s often because they want to move forward in a particular area of their life but find themselves unable to do so. This might look like:
Feeling stuck in your relationship because you’re unable to change unhealthy patterns of behaviour.
Feeling stuck at work because you’re unable to set goals or achieve the things you want.
Feeling stuck in general because you find it hard to make decisions and fear making the wrong choice.
Rather than external barriers preventing you from doing things, I’m talking about something internal. You might feel trapped or powerless, like something in your inner world is holding you back.
This feeling can be exhausting and frustrating. You might spend a lot of time thinking about what you need to do differently and how but keep getting blocked at the point of actually doing something about it.
Trauma and Feeling Stuck – What’s the Connection?
Feeling stuck can be linked to trauma in a few different ways. Following a traumatic experience, the brain and the body become wired for survival, holding on to lessons they’ve learned about protecting you from danger. Even if you are safe, they continue to respond as though you’re not. Essentially, your threat response becomes frozen in time.
This means your levels of anxiety, fear and vigilance are all elevated, impairing your ability to make balanced decisions because you see risk and danger everywhere. You can end up using all your energy to survive and stay safe, meaning you have nothing left to focus on becoming the person you want to be.
Another key component keeping people stuck after trauma is self-criticism. The brain not only holds on to the traumatic experience, but it also gives meaning to it. Often, this involves self-blame. ‘I should’ve done better’, ‘it’s my fault’, ‘there must be something wrong with me for that to have happened’.
Sometimes we blame ourselves because it’s easier than blaming somebody else. Blaming ourselves can also give us a sense of control. ‘If it was my fault this bad thing happened, I can do better and make sure it doesn’t happen again’. If we recognise the bad thing wasn’t our fault, we must acknowledge it was unpredictable or due to the actions of another person. This is far more frightening because we can’t control those things.
This inner voice of self-criticism makes it harder for us to achieve things in life. It’s hard to take risks, it’s hard to try new things, and it can be hard to do everyday tasks or work towards simple goals. If you’ve experienced trauma, the fear of messing up, getting it wrong, and being judged by others can be debilitating. The more we find ourselves stuck and unable to achieve the things we want to, the more this reinforces our self-critical view, creating a vicious cycle.
Some Final Thoughts on Feeling Stuck
Feeling stuck can show up in different ways. It might present as imposter syndrome, the deeply held belief that you’re not good enough coupled with the constant fear somebody’s going to find out. It might look like procrastination. Or you might have a tendency to self-sabotage, deliberately ruining your own success because it’s less frightening than what it might mean to succeed.
Whatever feeling stuck looks like, I believe it’s a result of things that have happened to us in the past and the mindset they’ve left us with. Not being able to achieve the things you want or be the person you want to be is rarely the result of laziness or a lack of desire. More often than not, it’s about a nervous system that’s trying to keep you safe or an internal system of self-criticism that keeps getting in the way.
Therapy for Trauma
If you’re struggling with any of the things described in this article and you’d like an expert to help you heal and recover, please get in touch. Alternatively, subscribe to The Trauma Toolbox to receive my insights and tips straight to your inbox every month. I also share lots of mental health education via Instagram.
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