Why Didn’t I Fight Back? – Understanding the Freeze Response

One of the most common things people wrestle with after a traumatic experience is how they responded when the event (or series of events) occurred. Often, people are particularly troubled by the things they didn’t do in the moment. This is where questions like ‘why didn’t I fight back?’ come from.

How Your Brain & Body Keep You Safe

Our bodies have a series of automated responses designed to keep us safe in threatening situations. They’re generated by our autonomic nervous system and governed by several key areas of the brain, primarily the amygdala.

These responses are primal in nature, so they don’t require a lot of analytical thinking. They just automatically kick in without us realising. For example, if I step off the pavement to cross the road and a double-decker bus is coming towards me, it’s my autonomic nervous system that determines my response. I don’t need to stop and think, my brain just kicks in and does what it needs to, making a snap decision about the best way to behave.

These innate, hard-wired defence behaviours exist in a continuum known as the ‘defence cascade’. While you’ve probably heard of the fight or flight response, you may not be aware they’re part of a much bigger model that also includes freeze, fright, flag and faint.  

You Didn’t Fight Back Because You Couldn’t

When we experience something traumatic, our amygdala kicks in. The first thing that happens is a momentary freeze. This state is designed to prepare us for danger and help us decide whether to confront (fight) it or escape (flight). Some people stay stuck in this state while others move on.

In certain situations, escaping or fighting to defend yourself isn’t possible. Let’s look at an example. Imagine you’re taking a walk in nature, and you see a giant bear on the path ahead of you. Running away might cause the bear to chase you and fighting a bear isn’t realistic. So, in order to protect you and increase your chances of survival, your body freezes. To be clear, this isn’t a response you choose after weighing up other options. Your brain and body make the decision for you. It just happens.  

In this state, you stay very still, and everything slows down including core bodily functions like digestion. Your heart rate and breathing slow, and your blood pressure drops. This can make you feel detached from your surroundings.

Some people are aware of their freeze response. It can feel like a heavy, numb sensation. Others might feel like they want to move or fight back somehow, but they can’t. They literally feel stuck. Some people feel more psychologically disconnected when they freeze. Their mind might feel a bit foggy or as if they’ve stepped outside of themselves somehow.

The Aftermath of the Freeze Response

One of the most challenging aspects of the freeze response is that it can leave people feeling like they didn’t respond at all. After the traumatic event, they look back and wonder why they didn’t run, fight back, get help… anything. In this situation, self-blame, and sometimes shame, become part of the trauma itself because that’s the meaning being given to what happened.

In reality, this response is part of our biology. Your body made a split-second calculation about the best way to keep you safe and alive. Sometimes this means freezing while unspeakable things happen around us because our primary instinct as a human being is survival.

Your Brain & Body Did What They Had to Do

In my work with people healing from trauma, one of the core messages I go back to over and over again is that your brain and your body did what they needed to do to protect you at the time. It’s like a reflex response. We don’t get to choose what protection looks like – the decision is made for us by our autonomic nervous system.

I believe this information is vital for reducing stigma and self-blame after trauma. Knowing how little control we have over our behaviour during a traumatic experience helps us see our actions not as logical, analytical choices, but as primal bodily responses. Through this, we can better understand why we responded a particular way at the time, and how we might be responding to certain triggers in the here and now.

Therapy for Trauma

If you’re struggling with any of the things described in this article and you’d like an expert to help you heal and recover, please get in touch. Alternatively, subscribe to The Trauma Toolbox to receive my insights and tips straight to your inbox every month. I also share lots of mental health education via Instagram.

Further Reading

• What Does Trauma Do to Your Brain?

• Understanding Your Window of Tolerance

• How to Retrain Your Nervous System After Trauma