Why Am I So Overwhelmed by my Feelings? – Emotional Dysregulation and You
- Fortitude Psychological Therapy
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
Do you ever feel like your emotions are going to burst out of your body? They're so pent up or close to bubbling over, you don’t know what to do with yourself?
This kind of emotional overwhelm isn’t limited to one particular emotion. It could stem from sadness, anger, anxiety, or a whole bunch of other stuff. Some people can experience strong emotions and are able to settle and calm them down. For others, it can feel like their emotions are in control and they are not.
What is Emotional Dysregulation?
The term ‘emotional dysregulation’ is used to refer to this experience where our emotions are not within our control, or at least they don’t feel like they are. It’s a term used a lot in therapy to describe difficulties with managing our feelings.
What Does Emotional Dysregulation Look Like?
Emotional dysregulation might look like having strong feelings that appear to be out of context to the situation. It might look like experiencing difficult emotions for prolonged periods of time and feeling like they’ll never end. It might also involve a lack of skills needed to calm and settle emotions down when they arise.
Dysregulation feels really difficult for the person who is experiencing it. It can also affect how people behave because our outward actions are often a response to our emotions. Somebody who feels very dysregulated may act erratically or be prone to angry outbursts. Obviously, this can have a massive knock-on effect in other areas of someone’s life, such as school, work, and relationships. It can even lead to people getting into trouble.
Why Am I So Overwhelmed by my Feelings?
Emotional dysregulation can be the result of many different experiences, and it can be a symptom of many different mental health disorders. In the context of trauma, it’s often the result of a multifaceted impact on the brain and emotional regulation system. Let’s explore this together.
First, think about the impact of trauma on the brain at the time it occurs. We know the pre-frontal cortex (the rational part of our brain) is impaired during a traumatic event. Usually, it’s not able to kick-in and help us. This means our emotions are understandably quite dysregulated as the trauma occurs. We also know that for people who are exposed to chronic trauma, the pre-frontal cortex is lower in volume. This means they have less capacity to regulate and calm their emotions in general.
When someone has experienced trauma, it’s very common for them to be triggered by reminders of the traumatic event. This can lead to intense episodes of emotional overwhelm. The way the brain works means that when trauma is triggered, the amygdala (the area of the brain that’s responsible for emotion processing, particularly things like fear and threat) is switched on. At the same time, the parts of the brain we need to help us regulate our emotions like the hippocampus (the area responsible for memory and learning) and the pre-frontal cortex are not available. So, it’s like a double whammy of the trauma being activated and the parts of the brain we need to settle ourselves down not being accessible.
With certain types of trauma, people don’t learn emotional regulation skills. For example, if somebody has a neglectful childhood or parents who are prone to emotional outbursts, they might not have the chance to learn the skills they need to regulate their own emotions. This can become more problematic as they move through life into adulthood and experience more and more stress.
Learn How to Regulate Your Emotions
The good news is we can learn how to regulate our emotions at any time. Here’s a three-step method to get you started…
First, you need to work on recognising your emotions. When they bubble up, pause and tune in. Try to identify or name what you’re feeling.
Once you’ve recognised an emotion, begin to engage your breath by slowly breathing in and out. This will calm your physiology and help you think more clearly. You don’t need to follow a fancy script. Just focus on counting the breath in and counting the breath out. Do this for as long as you need to.
Once the breathing has taken hold and you’re feeling calmer and more grounded, ask yourself if there’s a more helpful way you can think about the situation you are in.
This process can take practice, but over time it should make a real difference. Read 5 Ways to Regulate Your Emotions for more on this subject.
Get the Help You Need
If you’re struggling with emotional dysregulation as a result of trauma and you’d like an expert to help you heal and recover, please get in touch. Alternatively, subscribe to The Trauma Toolbox to receive my insights and tips straight to your inbox every month. I also share lots of mental health education via Instagram.
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