Trauma Informed Emotional Regulation Explained

Fortitude Psychological Therapy
5 days ago
4 min read

What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is our ability to notice, understand, and influence our emotional responses.

Ideally, we want to respond to difficult emotions and challenges in a way that is healthy and helpful. To be clear, emotional regulation isn’t about staying calm and happy at all times. It’s normal for our emotions to fluctuate. However, when they’re regulated, we can experience the ups and downs without being completely overwhelmed by them.

A key part of emotional regulation is being able to notice and recognise our different emotions. This means being aware of what our bodies are telling us AND having the language to label what we’re experiencing. Another important aspect is being able to tolerate difficult feelings. For example, when we feel anxious, sad, or angry, knowing we can cope with that particular emotion.

Why is Regulating Our Emotions Important?

When our emotions are regulated, we can make choices about how we react to the things we’re feeling and experiencing. Rather than the emotion driving behaviour that feels irrational, impulsive, or out of our control, we can experience the feeling, notice it, and then choose how we respond.

For some people this can be the difference between reacting to anger with an outburst they’re unable to contain or responding appropriately. It might mean being able to recognise when you’re feeling sad so you can pause and take care of yourself. It can also look like sitting with anxiety but still managing to do uncomfortable things rather than being held back by fear.

Emotional regulation also shields you from spending protracted periods in heightened emotional states. When we’re able to regulate our emotions, we can bring ourselves back down to our normal range or ‘baseline’.

Emotional Dysregulation and Trauma – What’s the Connection?

Trauma is often linked to emotional dysregulation. There are two key reasons for this. First, the ability to regulate our emotions isn’t something we’re born with, it’s something we learn.

Babies and children cannot regulate their own emotions. Instead, it comes from connection with our primary caregivers. I’m sure you’ve seen caregivers soothing a dysregulated child. This is called ‘coregulation’.

We also learn emotional regulation skills in a practical way. For example, a parent might teach their child what to do when they feel angry or worried, helping them build a repertoire of skills they can take with them into adulthood.

If you didn’t have anyone to help you manage your emotions or teach you these skills, you may not have created the necessary neural networks (like pathways in the brain) needed to develop good emotional regulation skills.

The second way in which trauma and dysregulation are linked is that experiencing trauma can throw someone’s emotional regulation completely out of whack. I’ll explain why below.

What Does Emotional Dysregulation Look Like?

Emotional dysregulation following trauma can look like:

Intense anxiety
Rapidly fluctuating emotions or a complete emotional shutdown
Repeatedly being overwhelmed by your emotions
Finding it difficult to calm down after a stressful experience

I want you to know these things are often a completely normal, understandable response to whatever you’ve been through. Trauma affects the brain, our nervous system and therefore our ability to regulate our emotions. You can learn more about this via the following links:

Can We Change or Improve How we Regulate Our Emotions?

Yes. Our ability to regulate our emotions isn’t fixed. No matter what we’ve been through in the past, we can expand our capacity by learning new skills as an adult. With the right help and support, you can develop better emotional regulation over time.

Why Is a Trauma Informed Approach to Emotional Regulation So Important?

When we fail to adopt a trauma informed approach to emotional regulation, we risk using the wrong tools and techniques, making things worse in the long run.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen a number of clients who have been taught skills that aren’t appropriate for the type of dysregulation they’re experiencing. For example, survivors of severe sexual trauma being told to use breathing techniques when connecting with their body in this way can be extremely triggering.

It’s vital we understand which strategies work best for different types of emotional dysregulation, at different points. For example, if someone finds it difficult to be in their body, we might use an externally focused emotional regulation tool. Or, if somebody is being triggered by their surroundings, we might focus on skills that will ground them in their current environment and remind them they are not in the traumatic experience again.

What Does a Trauma Informed Approach to Emotional Regulation Look Like?

Developing emotional regulation in a trauma informed way means acknowledging that a lot of the dysregulation that occurs after trauma is actually a coping mechanism or a way of surviving. Usually, it’s something that was helpful or protective at the time the trauma occurred. For example, anger responses might have been a defensive reaction or anxiety might have helped you stay safe.

Another important thing to think about is the role of triggers. Dysregulation can often be triggered by specific things that are somehow associated with the traumatic experience. Sometimes triggers are really obvious and sometimes they’re more subtle. We need to identify and pinpoint these triggers in order to use the right tools and strategies.

Ultimately, different emotional regulation tools are helpful at different times, and not all tools work for all people. A trauma informed approach means developing strategies that are tailored to the individual, their triggers, and their specific emotional responses. As well as identifying triggers and helping you develop a range of different tools, therapy can also give you real clarity around knowing when and how to use them.

Freedom Beyond Trauma

If you’re looking for a gentle, supported way to start identifying triggers and cycles of emotional dysregulation, you can explore my self-paced course, Freedom Beyond Trauma.

Alternatively, subscribe to The Trauma Toolbox to receive my insights and expertise straight to your inbox every month. I also share lots of support via Instagram.