Is Attending Boarding School a Form of Trauma?
Trauma isn’t an event or an experience. Two people can go through the exact same thing and come away with completely different responses. Instead, trauma is the damage done to a person as a result of an experience or event.
The boarding school system doesn’t affect everybody in the same way. Some people will have a very positive experience, but for others it can be intensely traumatic at a pivotal point in their childhood.
Bringing Awareness to the Issue
Before we go any further, I want to be clear about my intentions in this article. I do not want to offend or pass judgement on anyone who has put a child through or been through the boarding school system themselves. Instead, I want to sensitively bring awareness to the issue.
Boarding schools provide a high standard of education, extracurricular opportunities and experiences a child may not otherwise have access to. They tend to be seen as places of privilege and possibility, but there can be a darker side to people’s experiences of boarding school. It can also be difficult to address any problems that arise. Ex-borders often feel they have no right to complain because they’ve been given what is considered a rich opportunity.
An Example of Hidden Trauma
The long-term impact of the boarding school experience is an example of hidden trauma – something that can hide in a person and then suddenly appear in the form of psychological or emotional responses that disrupt their life.
Children are not usually separated from their primary caregivers for protracted periods of time. The absence of primary caregivers can mean children do not learn key skills related to emotional coping. They may develop a tendency to detach from difficult emotions, suppress their feelings or avoid talking about them.
Their attachment style may be disrupted which can impact how they see themselves and their behaviour in relationships. They may struggle with intimacy or experience a sense of disconnection in their relationships with others.
Ex-boarders can also have problems with:
· Stress, depression, low mood and anxiety
· Difficulties in forming relationships
· Emotional numbness
· Perfectionism, burnout and unrelenting high standards
· Chronic loneliness and/or anger
Boarding School Syndrome
It was Psychotherapist Joy Schaverien who first drew attention to a cluster of emotional states and behaviours she observed in clients who were ex-boarders. She called this ‘boarding school syndrome’ and identified four characteristics of the boarding school experience that made people prone to developing these issues:
1. Abandonment
When a young child is sent away from home to live with strangers, they lose their attachment figures and their home in the process. As well as being exposed to prolonged separation that can feel like abandonment, they’re too young to process and understand these things on their own.
2. Bereavement
The broken attachments associated with boarding school amount to a significant, but unrecognised form of bereavement. Often, the child’s losses are minimised and glossed over as insignificant. ‘Homesickness’ is normalised, but the term does not truly capture the depth of loss a child may feel.
3. Captivity
The child is forced to live in a situation not of their own choosing and which they are helpless to change. If things are difficult, it’s an environment where there is no escape. For example, a child that is being bullied has no safe place to go at the end of the school day. Feelings of imprisonment are heightened by the absence of loving relationships.
4. Disassociation
This is the child’s response to the pain and hurt that arises from the boarding school experience. It can become so embedded in the child’s character that it goes unnoticed.
Healing From the Hidden Trauma of Boarding School
With the right support, healing from the hidden trauma of boarding school is possible. Therapies that connect the body and mind, such as Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, can help you process trauma you’ve held in your body since childhood. Any intervention needs to be tailored to the individual because each case is unique, depending on your age, the nature of the trauma you’ve suffered, and how it’s impacting your life.
Find Out More
If you’re struggling and would like more support to help you heal and recover, please get in touch. I also share lots of tips and advice via Instagram.
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