‘High Functioning’ Isn't a Compliment - Here's Why

Fortitude Psychological Therapy
4 days ago
4 min read

What Does High Functioning Mean?

According to the dictionary, high functioning means ‘performing or operating at a high level’. Until recently, it was most frequently used to describe individuals with autism, mental illness, or disabilities who outwardly meet societal expectations, such as maintaining employment, school, or social relationships, despite managing significant internal struggles.

However, along with a range of clinical terms like ‘gaslighting’, ‘trauma dumping’ and ‘narcissist’, high functioning has been absorbed into everyday, often casual, online discourse. As an experienced trauma therapist, I have concerns about the prevalence and popularity of ‘therapy speak’, but this is a topic for another day. Having recently heard high functioning being used as a compliment, today I want to share my thoughts on this term specifically.

‘High-Functioning’ Isn't a Compliment

At first glance, high functioning sounds positive and reassuring. You’re operating at a high level! In the face of adversity! Go you! But the reality of living this way can be very different.

Often, what we’re looking at is a person who is suffering and masking their pain. They appear to be coping. They’re not causing any bother. They’re getting stuff done and they’re doing it well.

But functioning and pushing through are not the same as thriving. They’re often doing what everybody else expects, and prioritising everyone else’s needs, at a very high cost to themselves. This isn’t a positive thing, and we shouldn’t be wearing it like some kind of badge of honour.

High Functioning After Trauma

For trauma survivors, high functioning as a behaviour doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s usually a strategy they’ve learned to cope and survive.

For example, in abusive, complicated, and chaotic living situations, people often learn to hold everything together so as not to reveal there’s anything wrong.

If someone’s been neglected and their needs have been repeatedly invalidated or ignored, they might have learnt to suppress how they feel and present themselves as being OK, no matter what’s going on.

People who’ve been praised for being strong, brave and independent in the face of trauma might have internalised the idea that appearing to cope is a good thing. Hiding their suffering and performing well will mean they’re more likable.

The Hidden Impact of High Functioning

Being high functioning can prevent people from getting the help they need. When someone is doing well on the outside, we don’t always recognise they’re suffering, and if we don’t know they’re suffering, we’re very unlikely to offer support. For the high functioning individual, this reinforces the idea they should be able to cope on their own.

It can also be harder for someone who is high functioning to reach out. They may feel torn in two. There’s one version of them that looks calm and competent, but on the inside, they’re anxious and miserable. On top of this, we seem to live in a society that praises people for coping and managing. In this context, needing help can easily feel like a personal failing.

We think we’re being encouraging and supportive when we tell people they’re being brave, but it can actually be very invalidating. When we experience something awful, we want the people around us to recognise our difficult emotions. We want them to see we’re feeling overwhelmed, upset or anxious. Focussing on how well we’re coping can leave us feeling misunderstood. For high functioning individuals, it can also add weight to certain negative beliefs, particularly self-criticism for the parts they usually hide.

Placing emphasis on being able to handle whatever we’re going through also reinforces the idea that our feelings don’t matter. Maybe we’re just overreacting? Thoughts like this are a huge barrier to seeking help. People who have experienced trauma, whether abuse, neglect or something else, can also become really good at putting everybody else first. They’re often very focussed on making themselves likable, so they strive to be ‘the good friend’, ‘the good wife’, or ‘the helpful colleague’. However, this all comes at a cost to their own wellbeing.

Healing From Being High-Functioning While Suffering on the Inside

If you can relate to being high functioning while suffering on the inside, here are some things you can do to help…

Practice saying no. Establishing some healthy boundaries is a good first step towards dropping the high functioning mask and allowing other people to see how you really feel. Read Help – I Need Better Boundaries for more on this subject.
Create space to rest and give yourself permission to do so without feeling guilty. Everyone needs rest, but there’s a wealth of evidence that suggests it’s even more important if you’ve been exposed to trauma as you’re more susceptible to burnout.
Focus on replacing the internal narrative that’s telling you to keep everything together with a kinder, more compassionate voice that reminds you it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.

Find Out More

If you’re struggling with any of the things described in this article and you’d like support to help you heal and recover from trauma, please get in touch. Alternatively, subscribe to The Trauma Toolbox to receive my insights and tips straight to your inbox every month. I also share lots of support via Instagram.