Feel the Fear - What Happens When We Do Things That Scare Us?

Do you ever get the urge to avoid doing something that scares you? It could be speaking up at work, telling your server there’s a problem with your food in a restaurant, or having a difficult conversation with a family member. What do you do when this happens? Do you feel the fear and do it anyway? Or do you find a way to avoid the inevitable discomfort?

In the short-term, avoiding things that feel uncomfortable, anxiety provoking, or scary can feel like the easiest option. However, it can quickly become a problem when fear and anxiety increase, and avoidance completely takes over.

Why Do We Avoid Things?

Avoiding things is a bit of a quick fix. In the moment, we feel better when we avoid something scary. Our anxiety settles temporarily, and we experience a brief moment of calm.

This positive effect is short-lived. Every time we avoid something, our brain learns that it’s dangerous and we shouldn’t do it again. Slowly, our confidence starts to shrink, and the anxiety gets bigger. Over time, the things we can do in our world get less and less.

Trauma and Avoidance – What’s the Connection?

No matter what type of trauma you experience, it teaches you one core thing about the world: it isn’t safe. Because of this, your nervous system has learnt to protect you and fight for survival at all costs. This gives avoidance a great deal of power.

Anxiety is human. It plays an important role within our nervous system. But because anxiety causes us to scan and look for danger, it can cause problems if the system becomes overactive. A traumatised brain and body can struggle to tell the difference between a real threat and discomfort that simply feels like a threat.

In other words, following a traumatic experience, your nervous system doesn’t just learn to avoid genuine danger. It starts to avoid anything that feels remotely scary or risky because that’s what feels safest.

What Happens When We Do Things That Scare Us?

Avoidance becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You feel afraid, so you avoid doing something. The short-term feeling of safety that comes from this reinforces your view. Thankfully, this works the other way too. If you feel afraid but manage to do the thing that scares you and nothing bad happens, you begin to learn it was safe all along.

It’s normal to experience an anxiety response when you do scary things. Your heart rate will quicken, and your body will release adrenaline. This doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something to be afraid of. It’s an automatic response. Usually, when you come out the other side of the scary experience, this response settles.

You’re Stronger and More Resilient than You Realise

Understandably, when you’ve experienced trauma, your fear and anxiety can feel justified. You know bad things happen, and that’s where your avoidance comes from.

However, in my experience, following trauma, people generally overestimate the likelihood of more bad things happening, and they underestimate their ability to cope when they do. Stepping out of your comfort zone and doing things you tend to avoid corrects these assumptions and helps you notice when anxiety is running the show.

Therapy for Trauma

If you’re struggling with any of the things described in this article and you’d like an expert to help you heal and recover, please get in touch. Alternatively, subscribe to The Trauma Toolbox to receive my insights and tips straight to your inbox every month. I also share lots of mental health education via Instagram.

Further Reading

What Does Trauma Do to Your Brain?

Trauma Responses – 5 Surprising Signs of Trauma in your Daily Life 

How to Retrain Your Nervous System After Trauma